So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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