She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
