Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
