I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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