So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
