just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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