Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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