i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
