There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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