I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
