i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
where does the pee come out of this thing
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
