apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
