He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
