there's paper in my vomit.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
