I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
