There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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