you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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