Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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