Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
