The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
