Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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