1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
