great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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