I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
