The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
