When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
