I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
