All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
