nut hugger
sarcasm needs its own font
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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