His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
