she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So squirting runs in the family.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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