can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
