theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
