we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
