Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
