Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
