All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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