Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
