when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
