My underwear smells like fireworks.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You know, be my cock's hype man.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
