Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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