he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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