I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
