Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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