i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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