Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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