i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
