don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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