I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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