I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
