so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
