either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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